This protracted drama stirred up resentments on nike air max cheap sale
all sides！in the women involved, for obvious reasons, but among Vaillant's children, too. "There was a civil war in the family," Anne Vaillant says, "and everyone suffered." And although she says there has been some "d└tente," four of Vaillant's five children have gone long periods without speaking to him. Vaillant himself describes his family as akin to King Lear's, and himself as "a disconnected, narcissistic father." It struck me that the kingdom has more than an ordinary share of woes.
Vaillant's own work provides an uncanny description of his strengths and struggles. "On the bright side," he has written, "reaction formation allows us to care for someone else when we wish to be cared for ourselves." But in intimate relationships, he continued, the defense "rarely nike air max 95 uk
leads to happiness for either party."
Yet Vaillant seems largely unaware of the way his defenses apply to his own case！even though he is aware of being unaware; he regularly told me that he would not be a good source of information about his own life, because of distortion. The Harvard data illustrate this phenomenon well. In 1946, for example, 34 percent of the Grant Study men who had served in World War II reported having come under enemy fire, and 25 percent said they had killed an enemy. In 1988, the first number climbed to 40 percent！and the nike air max 2011 uk
second fell to about 14 percent. "As is well known," Vaillant concluded, "with the passage of years, old wars become more adventurous and less dangerous."
Distortions can clearly serve a protective function. nike free run shoes
In a test involving a set of pictures, older people tend to remember fewer distressing images (like snakes) and more pleasant ones (like Ferris wheels) than younger people. By giving a profound shape to aging, this tendency can make for a softer, rounder old age, but also a deluded one. One brilliant woman from the Stanford Terman study had been pre-med in college; when she was 30, a vocational survey identified medicine as the field most suitable for her. But her ambitions were squashed by gender bias and the Great Depression, and she ended up a housewife. How, the study staff asked her at age 78, had she managed the gap between her potential and her achievement? "I never knew I had any potential," she answered. Had she ever thought of being a doctor? Never, she said.
At age 50, one Grant Study man declared, "God is dead and cheap nike free 3.0 v2 women
man is very much alive and has a wonderful future." He had stopped going to church, he said, when he arrived at Harvard. But as a sophomore, he had reported going to mass four times a week. When Vaillant sent this！and several similar vignettes！to the man for his approval to publish them, the man wrote back, "George, you must have sent these to the wrong person." Vaillant writes, "He could not believe that his college persona could have ever been him. Maturation makes liars of us all."
When we discussed his marriages, Vaillant asked me to report simply that he had been married to his present wife for 40 years, which struck me not as a calculated deception but as a deeply worn habit of thought. Indeed, a few years ago, Anne told me, her father was looking over pictures of her wedding, and came across a picture of his third wife. He stood there puzzled for a time, and then finally asked Anne: "Who is that woman?" "I began to worry that he'd begun to have Alzheimer's," Anne says. "But I actually don't think it's an organic thing. I think it's self-protection." This is what Vaillant calls "repression," and he's been using it for a long time. "When I was younger, he would forget everything," Anne says. "It wasnike free uk
almost like he had his brain erased."
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